The world loves to treat December like a month-long celebration. Lights go up, playlists change, office treats appear, and people ask the same question over and over, “Are you ready for the holidays?”
But if you are grieving, that question lands differently. You might smile through it, but inside something sinks. You are not just preparing for the holidays. You are preparing for the emptiness they bring.
And somehow, you are still expected to work, show up for others, hit deadlines, attend gatherings, and be “in the spirit.” This is where holiday grief gets complicated. It does not pause just because the calendar says it is time to be cheerful.
To support yourself through this season, it can help to understand why holiday grief feels so intense and what your body is actually responding to.
Understanding Holiday Grief: What Happens in the Body and Brain
Grief has its own timeline. It moves how it wants, when it wants, and the holidays tend to magnify whatever hasn’t fully healed. Clinically, this is common. Our emotional system stores memories in layers, not neat folders. When you hit certain seasons, your body starts remembering even before your mind does.
What makes holiday grief especially heavy is the emotional contrast. Everywhere you look, you’re surrounded by cues of togetherness, joy, family, nostalgia. If you’ve lost someone, had a major life change, or are estranged from loved ones, those cues feel sharp instead of comforting.
Holiday grief often intensifies because our emotional system responds to symbolic triggers like rituals, routines, and seasonal cues. The American Psychological Association notes that unresolved grief can resurface during significant times of year because the body holds emotional memory even when the mind feels “past it.”
This isn’t you being “dramatic” or “stuck.” It’s your nervous system responding to reminders of what’s missing and what changed. It’s real. It’s valid. And it deserves space.
How to Make This Season Feel More Manageable
Your body often needs more care during this time. Gentle routines like preparing smaller holiday plans, setting realistic expectations, or grounding yourself before emotionally charged moments can help reduce the load. These are not solutions. They are supports that make this season feel less overwhelming.
How Holiday Grief Shows Up In Everyday Life
Holiday grief rarely introduces itself directly. It tends to show up sideways, especially for high functioning adults who are used to staying busy.
You might feel it when you hear a song that used to make you smile.
Or when you pull out decorations and find something you weren’t ready to see.
Or when a holiday ad talking about “family traditions” makes you look away faster than you expected.
Sometimes it’s not even about a specific loss.
It can be the grief of:
- a relationship that ended
- a family dynamic that’s become painful
- a version of you that doesn’t exist anymore
- the holidays you wish you had but never got
- Carrying childhood wounds that resurface during the holidays
And because life keeps happening, you’re often carrying this grief into meetings, virtual calls, deadlines, and end-of-year stress. You’re juggling two worlds: the one you’re supposed to perform in and the one your heart is quietly sitting with.
Grief does not ask if the timing is convenient. It simply shows up. But that does not mean you have no power. You can support yourself in small, doable ways that reduce emotional strain.
How to Ground Yourself When Grief Shows Up
Small grounding practices can lift some of the emotional strain. This might look like taking small breaks during the workday, lowering social expectations, creating tiny rituals of comfort, or giving yourself permission to leave gatherings early. These moments help regulate your nervous system and create space for the grief you are carrying.
Reflection Questions:
Where in my life am I pretending I’m fine even though something hurts?
Identify the places where you are powering through, avoiding, or downplaying your emotions. This helps you see where you may need support or softness.
What do I need more of: space, support, honesty, rest?
Scan your body and mood. Let your instincts guide you toward what would feel most supportive, even if it is something small.
Who feels emotionally safe for me to share with this season?
Think about the people who listen without judgment. Naming even one person can create a sense of grounding and connection.
Your Grief Deserves Space, Not Silence
Holiday grief doesn’t make you broken or behind. It makes you human. You’re carrying love, loss, and memory all at once, and trying to function in a world that keeps moving whether you’re ready or not.
Giving yourself permission to feel what you feel is a form of care. Slowing down is care. Saying “I’m not up for that this year” is care. Noticing what your body is holding is care.
Your holiday does not need to look like anyone else’s. It does not need to be full, busy, or cheerful. It only needs to be honest and supportive of where you are emotionally. When you allow space for your grief, you also allow space for grounding, clarity, and healing.
If the Holidays Feel Heavy, Here’s a Next Step
If this season feels heavier than you expected, you don’t have to move through it alone. Simplicity Psychotherapy supports high-achieving adults navigating grief, overwhelm, and emotional fatigue especially during times when you’re expected to “keep it together.”
Explore therapy services or start with the Emotion Vibe Quiz to understand what you’re carrying and how to move through it with more clarity.
About the Author
Hi, I’m Rayvéne Whatley, a Licensed Professional Counselor practicing in Georgia, Louisiana, and Texas. I’m passionate about empowering people, especially Black men and women, to remove the mask of other people’s expectations and step into their authentic selves.
Much of my work focuses on addressing the impact of racial trauma on mental health. The intersection of identity, systemic stressors, and societal expectations can create layers of anxiety, self-doubt, and emotional pain. I help clients navigate these experiences by reexamining beliefs that no longer align with their goals and replacing them with ones that support their desires and values.
Through my writing, I aim to share insights and resources to help you better understand the connection between racial trauma and mental well-being, while offering tools to reclaim your peace and balance.
Whether you’re here for guidance, validation, or inspiration, I’m glad you’ve found this space.Healing isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it—and you don’t have to do it alone.
