If you’ve ever sat down to set new goals and felt motivated for about two weeks before everything slowly fell apart, you’re not alone. Many people assume their goals didn’t stick because they lacked discipline or consistency, but the truth is often much simpler. Most goals fall apart because they aren’t values based goals. They’re built from pressure, performance, or habit, not from the parts of your life that actually matter to you.
When a goal isn’t rooted in your values, it becomes another task instead of a meaningful direction. Values based goals last longer, feel more grounded, and support the version of you you’re trying to grow into. Alignment carries you further than willpower ever will.
Understanding Why Goals Fall Apart
Most goals are created from the outside in. You choose what you think you should want, what looks good, what feels safe, or what you’ve always done. But your emotional system knows the difference between a goal rooted in values and a goal rooted in performance.
Research shows that intrinsic motivation (what feels meaningful to you) creates more lasting behavior change than extrinsic motivation (pressure, expectation, or external approval.)
When a goal isn’t connected to your values, your brain doesn’t register it as necessary, and your nervous system doesn’t support it. This is why you can push through for a while, but not for long.
Why Values Based Planning Works Better
Values act like an internal compass. They help you understand what actually energizes you, what drains you, and what kind of life feels meaningful. When your goals reflect your values, the follow through becomes more natural because you’re moving toward something that resonates with your identity, not away from something that feels misaligned.
Where This Shows Up in Real Life
Values misalignment can be subtle. You may notice it in moments like:
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Setting a fitness goal because you “should,” not because movement helps you feel grounded
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Choosing a career milestone that impresses people but leaves you feeling empty
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Committing to social or family expectations even when they exhaust you
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Pursuing goals to avoid disappointing others, not because they support your growth
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Feeling disconnected from goals that once excited you but now feel heavy
You’re not failing your goals. The goals simply aren’t speaking to the part of you that makes change sustainable.
How to Build Goals That Actually Stick
Here are practical ways to shift from performance based planning to values based direction.
1. Identify What Matters Most Right Now
Values can change with seasons of life. Instead of asking, “What do I want to achieve?” ask, “What matters to me in this season?”
Your goals should serve your values, not the other way around.
2. Notice What Feels Energizing vs. Draining
Your body will tell you when a goal is aligned. If you feel dread, guilt, or pressure every time you think about it, that goal may not belong to you.
Aligned goals feel supportive, even when they’re challenging.
3. Choose One Value to Build From
Whether it’s connection, growth, creativity, rest, fulfillment, or financial stability, choose a value and create a small, realistic goal that reflects that value.
When the direction feels meaningful, the steps feel doable.
4. Make Your Goals Process Oriented
Instead of focusing on outcomes, focus on the process.
A values based approach keeps you connected to the “why,” not just the checklist.
5. Let Go of Goals That Don’t Fit You Anymore
Outgrowing a goal is not failure. It’s self awareness. You’re allowed to shift, pause, or release goals that no longer support your well being.
Put It All Together
If your goals haven’t stuck in the past, it doesn’t mean you lacked discipline. It means you deserve goals that reflect your real needs, real values, and real life. When your direction aligns with who you are, change becomes sustainable, not forced.
Values based planning isn’t about doing more. It’s about choosing what actually matters and giving yourself permission to build from honesty instead of pressure.
Ready to explore what your scrolling might be protecting you from?
If you’re craving more clarity or want support creating goals that actually fit your life, you’re not alone. At Simplicity Psychotherapy, we help Atlanta professionals move away from pressure filled expectations and toward values based direction that feels steady and sustainable.
We offer therapy services that support adults navigating stress, misalignment, and emotional fatigue, including:
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Individual therapy for burnout, anxiety, and overwhelm
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Therapy for Black women seeking culturally grounded emotional clarity
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Life transitions support for seasons of change, growth, and realignment
You deserve goals that fit you, not goals you have to force.
Contact us today to get started.
About the Author
Hi, I’m Rayvéne Whatley, a Licensed Professional Counselor practicing in Georgia, Louisiana, and Texas. I’m passionate about empowering people, especially Black men and women, to remove the mask of other people’s expectations and step into their authentic selves.
Much of my work focuses on addressing the impact of racial trauma on mental health. The intersection of identity, systemic stressors, and societal expectations can create layers of anxiety, self-doubt, and emotional pain. I help clients navigate these experiences by reexamining beliefs that no longer align with their goals and replacing them with ones that support their desires and values.
Through my writing, I aim to share insights and resources to help you better understand the connection between racial trauma and mental well-being, while offering tools to reclaim your peace and balance.
Whether you’re here for guidance, validation, or inspiration, I’m glad you’ve found this space.Healing isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it—and you don’t have to do it alone.
